A friend dating an ex
I appreciate you sharing Daniel! Especially because I know it is difficult for you as this could feel like a “confrontation”. I love both you and Sarah and part of that is caring more about both of your happiness than my own and I am determined to support that even though there is certainly some discomfort in doing that. More on that discomfort: I wish I understood myself better so that not being with Sarah was something I was more confident about. It would help in this situation alot. My initial gut reaction is “Oh shit if Daniel likes her maybe she was so amazing that I should have worked through it...shit shit quick go back and try to get her back before it is too late”. Likely some approval seeking going on there too. Regarding not being too torn up: Part of not feeling too torn up about her is that deep down there is an arrogance that if I wanted to date her again I could make that happen. There is a 100% confidence inside that I know what I need to say/do/think/be to make that relationship work...I just opted to not do it for some reason 🤔. Of course some of this is irrational and surely a protection mechanism and if you all ended up happy together then this path would close and another round of grief would likely come up. As far as boundaries I think I would just ask that you keep it platonic in front of me if it came to that. I do have some experience with these boundaries being crossed 😅 and could share more of those crazy stories next time we hang. Ultimately, feeling included in how you all are feeling is the most important thing to help me. It is easy for me to pierce the potential jealously and insecurity with the unselfish love I feel for you both as long as I am part of it (as you would any non-implicated friend). However, feeling left out of conversations/social situations/feelings/etc makes accessing this friendship feeling difficult and results in a much harder to navigate situation for me. So letting me know how your feeling up front like this is very appreciated.
names of the people in this post were changed to protect identity